Hush, hush

My favourite T.V. programme is NCIS. They can take the sinister and flavour it with good humour. I presume it's true that all the American letters dislike and distrust one another. NCIS, CIA, FBI, OMG, LOL. Sibling rivalry. But, it's not just on T.V. My private life is affected by the same wierd need for secrecy.
We all need passwords, digitags, code numbers to allow us access to our own.
I receive an email and lo and behold, I can't open it because my adobe hut apparently has cracks and I have to upgrade to a better, more swanky one.
A statement arrives in my "in box" but I don't know what it's about because you see I have to download something that sounds like an Italian ice cream, vanilla with chocolate stripes - stracaccia I think. Or perhaps it's my brand of coffee that doesn't work, almost every day I'm offered a new and improved version. Can't they get it right first time?
I miss out on warbling frogs and squirrels on tightropes because my windows can't see the language they're presented in - some housewife I am.
Furthermore, when I sign up for something, the computer has the cheek to tell me my user name is taken.
Yikes! all the stuff that was delivered by the post office, safely is apparently at risk now on the big, wide web.
It doesn't end there, it seems people are becoming almost paranoid about their privacy, we're not all celebs you know. I've tried to make contact with a possible cousin, for the family tree, on FaceBook. clearly she thinks I'm a stalker, grooming her for sinister things. Yes, teach the kids about stranger danger but really, about 12 family members on FB with the same (unusual) surname would have to be a pretty elaborate plot. Get over yourself Connecticut.
So when the page I'm on has a message telling me that my browser isn't compatible with gobbleygook etc. I feel just like Jethro Gibbs when the geeks talk IT.