Hold the back page!

I read the news headlines each day, from England, South Africa and Australia. While there is some really good news to be had, the stupid items are the ones that catch my eye.
"Kim Cattrell does not wear knickers" Now really, why would that be of interest to anyone who isn't personally involved with Ms Cattrell?
"Miley Cyrus gives older man a lap dance". Here's the thing, at her age she really shouldn't know how.
"Warhol self-portrait sells for $36.33 million" Who cares if they're US or Oz dollars, the man was no oil painting in real life.
"Naked news readers" MTN say nudity isn't porn, I quite agree but will the wobbly bits go down well after a few weeks exposure?
"Man battles for life after eating slug for a dare". I feel genuinely sorry for this man and his family but this is the kind of thing those insurance for women types latch on to.
An Australian woman was scammed out of A$9000 by a Nigerian fraudster. What can you say? We're so used to daily requests from around the world that it's hard to believe there's still someone who'll fall for it. In the light of my mis-spelling of troops I would like to point out that the person who wrote in the newspaper comments section really should have checked the dictionary before typing "how dumb can these in-breads be?"
On the really serious side, how awful to be sitting watching TV one minute and the next to have you and your house swallowed by a giant sinkhole.
However, the most exciting item I read today is that Voyager 2 may have been hijacked by aliens. This doesn't come from some nutty rag, it's genuine. (I hope).
You may recall that some 33 years ago Voyager 2 was launched into space to collect data. On the side of the craft is a 12 inch disc containing music and messages in 55 languages. Voyager has now begun sending signals back to Earth in an unknown data format.
As one who treated Close Encounters of the Third Kind as a semi-documentary I'm blown away by the thought that in a mere 33 years the hijackers may be here to see Earth for themselves. Wow!