Tuesday Tip number two

How to remove birdie poop from your keyboard.

First turn the keyboard over, this serves two purposes, firstly you finally get to read the warning on the back of the keyboard and secondly it allows for a little drainage.

Next, hold the keyboard at a 62.3 degree angle (what do I know?) and taking a piece of cardboard slide it slowly between the keys (all the while controlling that pesky gag reflex) and remove said poop.

Then, take an unused drinking straw, still in its paper, and clean inbetween the keys.

Lastly give the keyboard a gentle shake, this will not only remove the remnants of birdies breakfast but quite a few biscuit crumbs will fall out as well, you can discretely tip them into the waste bin.

Voila! one poop free keyboard. Hopefully you don't own a big bird.

I see on the back of the credit card statement, in it's own little box (which I shan't try to replicate) it states
"To report international emergencies contact the xxxxxcard call centre onxxxxxxxx"

Can't they read the newspaper like the rest of us?

Oh Man!

I've just received an update on the Women's Show, nothing there to really grab me, I prefer organic and holistic. But what's with all this gender stuff? Can you imagine the uproar if there was The Men's Show. Not boys toys or anything like that, all about empowering men. I really don't think I need ladies only insurance, in fact the only ladies only thing I agree with is a gym.
The gym or "lifestyle centre" allows those of us who look a little worn and podgy, as well as ladies of faiths that don't allow body parts to be shown off, to work out in private. As for the rest, please stop.
We have the black journalists forums - that surely goes in the face of freedom of the press.
Why are the sexes, faiths and races constantly being reminded of their perceived differences? Surely we are judged by what we do, not what we are (did someone else say that? it sounds familiar).
But maybe I take the whole thing too seriously and should just have a laugh as I try to imagine how sad life would be without men.

As far as the eye can see

One of the items on my (awesome) iPod is a weather report. It updates from my computer and then gives me details of weather now and later. On display, along with UV index and humidity is Visibility. Today, 10kms.
I had no idea that I could see that far, it comes as a big surprise especially as on friday night I almost walked into the Berg River by mistake.
We were caravanning at Berg River Resort and I -contact lens wearer - forgot to take my seeing eye glasses on the trip. So, off I went to the bluties, took out my lenses and did all the necessary.
I had made certain I would be able to find my way back, the love of my life suggested I take my cell phone, Oh ye of little faith! I had set out landmarks so that I wouldn't go wrong in the dark. Big Mistake! If you miss the first landmark, you've had it, I did just that and it was only when I saw the bullrushes that I realised my mistake. I looked around in (near) panic and thankfully saw a green blob heading my way. Blob turned out to be one of our friends and she, good Samaritan, led me back to our van.
And the van wasn't even 10kms away.

Tuesday Tip

Chew a Gaviscon - or something equally powdery. Brush your teeth. Run your tongue around the pearly whites and find the Gaviscon. When you find a little bit, cunningly hidden in a crevice, the chances are you always miss that area when brushing. So, now you won't.

Required reading

So today, the front page of every newspaper seems to have had photo's of the first day of school. "Tears, fears and dreams" - so dramatic, actually it should be "I miss my mum and what did she give me for lunch"
Newspaper guys, this is not news, it happens every year.
I prefer the lamp post headlines
"High Flying SAA"
"Kaka deal flushed down the toilet"
and so on, some are very obscure and some can't be printed here as they contain veiled reference to parts of your mothers anatomy. But they are fun to read and I look forward to seeing what's new on the way to work.
"Barak Obama likes SA wines" yawn, so do I but I don't make the news.
And how about flyers. There is a Sheikh from the Amazon Region, a traditional healer, helping people solve al their Life Problems with the help of his 129 year old grandmother. Alert Guiness, they think the oldest living person is only 114. Besides, he's doesn't offer nearly as much as the local guy.
The flyer reads "He can recently in Cape Town" which leads me to another thing, who is responsible for the spelling on printwork. The customer whose job is not necessarily to be able to spell or, the printer who should be able to spell and also, surely, has spell check.
So, if your customer wants to advertise an engine overall, correct him! He'll thank you later.

Nice speech Mr President

I hope the future is rosy and bright for the USA because let's face it, that glow will reflect around the world.
If we can get our act together, we as a country could be as great. They have a superhero pilot, we have cabin crew supposedly smuggling weed. We just have to get it right.

Pass the abacus

Yesterday, apparently, British banks lost 17.5 billion pounds. Now, I don't know about anyone else but I simply can't come close to imagining 17.5 billion. Which leads me to ask.......
How much money is there in the entire world??
The US bailout plan is spoken of in billions as if we're all playing Monopoly (or Zimbabwe) where money isn't real.
And what had me worried, incase someone wise actually does know how much money there is, is that there are two different definitions of billion.
I looked it up.
Great Britain and most of the world used to refer to a billion as one million with six extra noughts. In other words the prefix bi despite it's other meanings means two. So 1 000 000 is one million and 1 000 000 000 000 is a billion.
USA and the scientific community (who knows where they live) have a different system, to them a million has six zeros, a billion has nine zeros and if you have a quadrillion (not a dance) its 1000 billion.
So, pray tell, did the banks lose 17 5000000000000 or 17 5000000000. This could severley impact on my budget if I get it wrong.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

I had the misfortune to watch a little of a kids TV channel yesterday. While these actors and actresses are certainly talented it saddens me to see the message they're sending. The Americans have a great word (no doubt long out of use). Sass. As in "Don't sass yur parents"

Kids are cheeky to adults but what I find worse is that the adults are cheeky to children. What happened to respect? I've never totally gone along with the "respect your elders" thing because many elders don't deserve that respect. The Water Babies should be required reading for teachers and parents. Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby set the tone. So please don't sass your kids if you want them to respect you. We see it too often, the wise-cracking parent, putting the child down. We also see too many children rolling their eyes for laughter, picking on their siblings as if it's required by nature and being really rude.

As the mother of three children my rose coloured glasses broke years ago, of course our children were the exception, little angels (lol) but I'd like to think I never sassed them or put them down.

It doesn't stop with home and TV, we have radio DJ's who are snide and hurtful, choosing someone to mock endlessly. So Britney showed us her hoo-hah, let it go! George W, by no means my favourite man, joke's over.

Let's start addressing Nelson Mandela as Mr Mandella, not just by his last name as the TV news readers do. I love the way the British media always use the title of the person they're reporting on, despot or not.

Show respect.

Don't litter or set fire to our precious mountain.

We're all equal. I was rudely treated by a shop assistant last year, no respect, no courtesy, no thought that he may be in the wrong, which he was. I haven't been into the store since, I'm just not such a fanatic that I'll accept such nonsense.

A friend was complaining that his daughter was texting under the table during dinner. I said I would have taken her 'phone away, he said he couldn't really, she's in her twenties!

Discourteous.

We always have a good laugh at Two and a Half Men, one of my favourite comedies, BUT, it's not aimed at children and hopefully I'm mature enough to understand that most of the time that's just no way to behave, I don't think a 10 year old does.

So next time the boy next door breaks a chair over your husbands head, don't blame him, it's just the way it is.

No respect.

Time flies when you're having fun

Perhaps the Matrix is true and we've been left on fast forward??!!

Sunday, lovely Sunday

We had a really enjoyable Sunday drive. Granny, Grandpa and four of the girls, we left at about 9.30 in chill mode. I love driving past Lavender Hill, they've repainted the wall, it reads
"Welcome to Lavender Hill where people are moved to love and diversity"
So positive.
Muizenberg is still sad, like the maiden aunt someone left in the front room and she faded away. St James pool was full and Fish Hoek beach was just lovely. There was hardly any wind and the sun was shining. It was great to see so many families out for the day, I suppose brought on by the combination of weather, reduced petrol price and the exodus of the visitors.
We went to the Scratch Patch in Simon's Town and Grandpa was really patient, sitting in the tea room sipping his grossly overpriced ginger beer while we enjoyed going through all the gems (I almost mean that literally) for an hour and a half.
We had planned to picnic at Boulders but there was no parking to be found so instead we went to Kommetjie lighthouse, we put the picnic blanket next to the fence and watched the sea and ate lots of food.
The girls and I went down to the labyrinth and walked the circuit. It's in rather a sad state, the sign has gone missing and moles have also tried to do the circuit, knocking stones to one side and making piles of soil.
We were all in serious need of Marcelle's frozen joghurt so we headed off to Rondebosch, we couldn't picture one closer. Delicious as ever.
We ended our day near Melkbos after dropping the girls at home and drove along the beach front. How sadly commercialised this area has become, we couldn't even find anything that resembled Big Bay as we knew it, the old surfers must be really peeved. Along through Blouwberg and Milnerton and home sweet home after a splendid day in the best city in the world.
Thank you Cape Town.
Oh and it seems I was wrong, when Grandpa's driving, four girls and a granny can indeed do the Cha Cha Slide in the car but, will someone please explain what Charlie Brown means??

Life in the suburbs

In the left corner, Scottish folk, holding a farewell party for friends returning to the UK. In the right corner, screaming girls having a pool party. It's great fun and the superior sound system on the left is pounding out oldies like Ballroom Blitz while the girls scream on. Finally to bed and then they pulled out the stops.
First we had I'm Going Home, Rod Stewart in his prime, followed by Sailing. I almost ran outside to wave a cigarette lighter but sanity prevailed. But, the Coup de Gras, Mull of Kintyre.
The screaming girls didn't stand a chance and between the pool party and the farewell party I reckon there wasn't a dry eye to be seen.

A mind is so easily lost

Mine wanders off all the time, especially when I'm driving to work in the morning, relaxed and ready to face the day - ho hum.
I enjoyed John Scotts column, yesterday I think, where he noted that we can always expect the same annual events, the minstrels will threaten not to march and Zuma will get married again. On Sky news countdown for the year they spoke about an annual event that everyone looks forward to, George Michael being arrested in public toilets. I wonder if they have a GM squad?
And I listen to music.
As an aside, I always wondered why we're not supposed to start a sentence with the word and (Sandra??)
This week in the car I'm listening to Deva Premal, I sing along even though I don't know what I'm saying. In the office I'm listening to enchanted egypt (in lower case), I really love this music, I think it takes me back to a previous life. At home it's Sacred Spirit, another life revisited I think.
However, the festive season wasn't too kind to the love handles so I think next week will have to be more upbeat. It's hard to do the Cha Cha Slide in the car so I'll save Bump 497 for home and perhaps go for Queen in the car and I'll find a perky combination for the office.
And so the mind meanders along until it has to jump to attention at work, past the house with racing pigeons and a superb rose garden - pigeon pooh perhaps, over Harley Street where I would surely live if I was a GP. And the petrol price has dropped.
Life is good.

Opposites attract

Last night, the love of my life was watching wrestling while I sat, quietly reading a Reiki book and listening to Spirits - Music for the Soul (on my iPod Touch, one of the other loves of my life).
Crazy wrestling man said "I want all of you to get up, jump up and down on your sofa and Yell"
Well, fortunately my man is way too smart for that which just as well because if he'd jumped up and down (knee replacement allowing) he would have been decapitated by the ceiling fan and there would have been blood everywhere, totally inconveniencing my plan to watch CSI (although quite appropriate).
I wonder who is in charge of wardrobe for wrestling. There's quite a sweet looking boy, he looks as if he's going to do some Tribal Belly Dancing and I quite like his eye make up - Jeff I think. Then, there's the angry Russian in his Tighty Whities, no doubt angry because he looked in the mirror. Another strange fellow with a blue band aid on his nose appeared to be wearing a wet suit with black bobby sox. Go figure!
Well, to each his own, I'm thoroughly enjoying my book.

Melancholy

Well, that's that. Last night I took down all the Christmas decorations, packed them into their boxes and into the cupboard. Dusted the tree and packed it away, ditto for the singing santas and harley davidson santa - yes, kitch reigns over the festive season.
It's a sad occasion, not least because I always do it alone. Setting up is such fun. There's always someone there to help, the Christmas CDs are playing and it's all about anticipation, now it's just a fond memory.
So, only 352 shopping days to Christmas!

Things change, things stay the same

I've lived in Cape Town since I was 15 so I am indeed a proud Capetonian, the best city in the world. My formative years were spent in Wales and England and no matter how Cape Town I feel, I'm still a Brit at heart. That's why it's sad watching the demise of old familiar places. Woolworths (UK), how can they be gone, just like that. I haven't been so astonished since CNA went on the skids. Some things are meant to last. I see Wedgewood/Waterford is going under administration, how can this be? and so the list is growing.
My mother, grandmother and probably great grandmother worked in the mills in Lancashire - cotton mills. I believe there isn't one cotton mill left in the UK, no more toy factories and don't get me started on the fabrics that are no longer available.
But it's progress. We are no longer personel, now we're resources, human resources, yuch.
It's common knowledge among friends and family that I don't have much time for cell 'phones. They have their uses, a few. Shia LaBoeuf is quoted as saying that cell 'phones were supposed to bring us closer together but in fact we're further apart, we no longer talk on the 'phone, we text.
But to each her own, I LOVE my IPod touch, I think the internet is AMAZING and I'm still gobsmacked when I have a conversation with my mum in Perth just like that.
Who would ever have thought that we would watch the planes hit the twin towers - live - from the office, stand in the kitchen and watch a tsunami wipe out hundreds of thousands of people?? We're watching the Gaza war each night as if it's a soapie. I hope we don't become desensitised.
I do still want to find joy in the gentle face of a baby, wonder at the sight of whales out at sea, be awestruck by a waterfall and saddened by the plight of the needy.
But life is a circle, we're back to the old natural ways of eating, self medicating, growing food. At @Home you can buy a nifty gadget which will core and peel an apple. One of the original ones can be seen at the Tulbagh museum, I believe it dates from Victorian times.
Which is why I throw nothing away!

RIP

Rest in Peace Mrs Suzman

Peace and Love, Peace and Love

May all the followers of all religions and
spiritual paths work together to create
peace among all people on Earth.

Inscription on the World Peace Crystal Grid
by William Lee Rand